Have you ever reacted to a person or situation -- and just a moment later, or
maybe several hours later wondered why on earth you said that? Or did that?
Imagine having this magic power that could freeze time long enough to choose the
most appropriate response in any given situation. Wouldn't it be great if you
had that power? Well, actually you do. And someone who reminds us about that
power is Viktor E Frankl, author of 'Man's Search for Meaning'. An Austrian
psychiatrist, Frankl was detained with other Jewish people in a concentration
camp during World War II.
In that awful place he remained aware, and saw that in spite of the daily humiliation, even torture that he was subjected to, he had this particular 'freedom' his Nazi captors could not ever take away. Using the unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, conscience and independent free will, he exercised this freedom that was even bigger that the freedom of his captors. It lay in knowing that he could choose his own response to anything that came his way. He called this freedom "the last of the human freedoms".
Frankl's approach eventually made him an inspiration to many around him, even some of the guards. He says: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. " Come to think of it, space always does exist between stimulus and response; we hardly need to 'make' this space. Our freedom of choice lies in becoming increasingly aware of this space, using it wisely, making it into what I see as our 'zone of considered and considerate decision'.
Without enough awareness of the gap between stimulus and response there is no real freedom of choice. You are just the product of your learned and unquestioned behaviours, your conditioned responses. Allowing yourself to respond automatically will evoke the same old feelings of anger, fear, sadness or jealousy that can only further discord, misunderstanding and perhaps regret. Using the space to formulate a considered and considerate response, you remove the guilt you have when you have hurt someone's feelings or the negative charge or self-recrimination when you have said or done the wrong thing.
This space invites you to reflect, however briefly, before acting. At a practical level it could simply involve not blurting out that defensive response when you feel accused, not delivering that sarcastic retort when feeling misunderstood or challenged, or could even be not replying immediately to that annoying or demanding email message. It also invites you to be aware of just why you say a 'yes' or why you say a 'no'. Developing a mindset of cherishing the space between stimulus and response can make our lives more meaningful.
Use the space between stimulus and response to ask yourself: "What do I really, deeply want?" If, within this space, you take a moment to breathe deeply and calmly, decide not to always want to 'win the argument' or 'be right', or feel so personally wounded that all you want to do is to hurt right back, then your answer will almost always be that you deeply want a favourable and uplifting outcome for all. And in time, it should become more natural to respond in a way that promotes harmony and better relationships.
In that awful place he remained aware, and saw that in spite of the daily humiliation, even torture that he was subjected to, he had this particular 'freedom' his Nazi captors could not ever take away. Using the unique human capacities of self-awareness, imagination, conscience and independent free will, he exercised this freedom that was even bigger that the freedom of his captors. It lay in knowing that he could choose his own response to anything that came his way. He called this freedom "the last of the human freedoms".
Frankl's approach eventually made him an inspiration to many around him, even some of the guards. He says: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. " Come to think of it, space always does exist between stimulus and response; we hardly need to 'make' this space. Our freedom of choice lies in becoming increasingly aware of this space, using it wisely, making it into what I see as our 'zone of considered and considerate decision'.
Without enough awareness of the gap between stimulus and response there is no real freedom of choice. You are just the product of your learned and unquestioned behaviours, your conditioned responses. Allowing yourself to respond automatically will evoke the same old feelings of anger, fear, sadness or jealousy that can only further discord, misunderstanding and perhaps regret. Using the space to formulate a considered and considerate response, you remove the guilt you have when you have hurt someone's feelings or the negative charge or self-recrimination when you have said or done the wrong thing.
This space invites you to reflect, however briefly, before acting. At a practical level it could simply involve not blurting out that defensive response when you feel accused, not delivering that sarcastic retort when feeling misunderstood or challenged, or could even be not replying immediately to that annoying or demanding email message. It also invites you to be aware of just why you say a 'yes' or why you say a 'no'. Developing a mindset of cherishing the space between stimulus and response can make our lives more meaningful.
Use the space between stimulus and response to ask yourself: "What do I really, deeply want?" If, within this space, you take a moment to breathe deeply and calmly, decide not to always want to 'win the argument' or 'be right', or feel so personally wounded that all you want to do is to hurt right back, then your answer will almost always be that you deeply want a favourable and uplifting outcome for all. And in time, it should become more natural to respond in a way that promotes harmony and better relationships.
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